Monday, February 24, 2014

The Best Lover I Never Had

It's unbelievable it's been that long. To give some context to this, I was going through the worst day of worst days for someone like me. After a long battle I just lost my better half. Four years into the relationship she cheated and this left me distraught. Despite that we carried on. Sadly, it was all for naught. In the wake of that devastation I ended up bothering people I shouldn't have bothered, and bothered some friends way more than I should have. 
This particular friend of mine was there when the wounds were at their worst or when the memories and demons of what I lost haunted me. She made the most painful of days bearable. Sadly I have eventually worn out my welcome, especially when I found myself inadvertently attracted to her. Needless to say, that's faux pas on my part.
The feeling was not mutual, however and due to that, and that made for awkward conversations. Gradually, we kind of drifted apart. She's now with someone and I wish her the best. She deserves that much. We're still friends, but not like before. Nonetheless, I owe her. I hope that it won't come to it, but in the unlikely event she ends up in my shoes, I promised myself that I'd come running to her aid. Always, I'll remember her.
I'm amazed at what words overflowing emotions can come up with. During the lenten season she abstained from using the phone or getting online on social networks. That's when I conjured up the stanzas below. At the time I didn't know what fate awaited me. Sad, but no, not really. Hit the jump to read it all.

My dear friend, my  benefactor
My light since the darkness that came after
Now I'm wondering how long has it been
Since I last saw you hoping for what could've been

I once again remember
the times we spent together
In my sadness and our laughter
even when I was torn asunder

I miss how you were always patient
to bear with my torment you're so lenient
What I miss most of all like no other
is your saccharine smile, sweetness all over

Those mornings when I called you
over the phone to wake you
And I hear you talk trying to wake up
So adorable, it always perks me up

Then to work you'd get ready
Always rushing to avoid being tardy
At work being your best, doing things right
From morning 'til the day turns to night

Then when I feel that the time is right
I'd call or text you, "Can we meet tonight?"
To hear you say yes, everytime I'm very elated
But if you decline I'd feel kinda devastated

The way you adore strawberries
That way you were spooked by ghost stories
That way you separate tomato seeds painstakingly
And of course, that way you make me feel about me

That trip when we went somewhere enchanting
The coffee & sweets that we were eating
That birthday you had when I saw your smile sparkling
Not to forget, that laughter-filled night we spent drinking

What I like much more about you
was you respecting me when I said what's true.
I more than *just* like you
And I was hoping you feel the same way too.

Then again I'm kinda disappointed
My feelings are sadly unrequited.
Then again, I'm thankful after being frightened
We understand each other more, I'm enlightened

When will Lent end? When again can we meet?
I won't let our oath bend, so I won't cheat
It may feel too long that we've been apart
Until we can talk again I must do my part

Easter is near, I'm tired & weary
I long to see & hear you very badly
Even if I know I shouldn't be expecting much
Unrequited feelings, why must there be such?

I'm unaware of what sort of path awaits us
Will there be a rift or a gift between us?
I can only guess how things will end
What surprises lie just around that bend?

I guess it can be whatever, It doesn't really matter
I'll remember how you saved me from heart-slaughter
The friendship we share will never be forgotten
Even if I won't be the one you'd be lovin'.

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