Monday, July 14, 2014

That Valentine's Day

It was the Valentine's day of 2011. I was feeling tired, hurt and weary. I was dealing with the worst of my wounds at the time. Funny how sometimes the one you're willing to take a bullet for can sometimes be the one pulling the trigger. I think Linkin' Park was able to put the words to describe how I was that time...

A cloud streak above. Apparently somebody fired SAMs at Cupid that night. I hope they got him. Stupid Cupid was picking on me.
Nikon D40, f/4.5, 1/4 sec, ISO 800

My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold

A black wind took them away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow

A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

Well that describes my state of being on that night, albeit figuratively. I suppose it's among the early days when I started getting myself lost and wandering. That night I was sadly sober, alone and trying to walk off a bleeding heart in Harbor Square after midnight. I can't imagine a more pathetic sob that night.

Interestingly enough, on my state of miserable stupor, I apparently created, from what I see now while looking back at my archives, one of my most colorful images of the site. It's been more than three years since. Here they are again. These are too good to just rot in some hard disk, so I thought I'd share them to the world.

Fiery Distant Harbor.   Nikon D40, f/8, 1/4 sec, ISO200  

Colorful Manila Skyline,  Nikon D40, f/8, 1/4 sec, ISO 200

Shops After Midnight,  Nikon D40, f/6.3, 3 sec, ISO 200

February Christmas Lights,  Nikon D40, f/9, 30 sec, ISO 200

What Lies Ahead Is Unclear,  Nikon D40, f/8, 30 sec, ISO 200

I think I have more. However I think these are the cream of the crop from that night. It's both comforting and sad at the same time that I had this inanimate object as company at that time of heavy thoughts weighing me down, and when I shouldn't be bothering other people and keep them from being with their own significant others. Sad, that it's just a camera, brought to its own life by my own habit and tendencies, rather than a significant other that co-exists and shares her habits with me and partakes in my own tendencies as well...

... And comforting, that it's a companion with loyalty beyond any doubt, acceptance without question and partakes in my habits without reproach.

Lens used: Nikkor AF-S 18-70mm f/3.5-4.5 G IF-ED DX

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